I spent last week thinking. And dreading. And self destructing. Pretty sure I was setting myself to be alone again because I didn’t think it was possible to have 1 thing AND the other.
On a 6 hour drive to NYC, a switch flipped. I started thinking about the brain. And how it’s usually wrong. When do I ever let it hold me back? I don’t listen to it on runs. Or in mountains. Only in relationships.
The brain is destructive. It wants you to stop when all you want to do is finish. It blinds you from what is right in front of you. It’s full of excuses and doubts.
The brain fears being honest. It fears being judged. It fears what others will think of it’s thoughts. The brain amplifies and distorts something that is no big deal at all.
You can’t trust your own brain sometimes. Because in the moment, it may be something too rash. Something you’ll look back on and regret.
I didn’t want to go to NYC. I was quitting. But decided I HAD to. I knew I was being crazy. I knew I would feel different once I got these thoughts out.
I got stuck in traffic for an hour. A stand still.
Within an hour I looked at a picture and felt nothing.
Looked at the same picture and felt something.
It was wild. I had all these fears and all these reasons it wouldn’t work. Then I thought – How would I feel if these thoughts weren’t there?
I would feel completely different. I wasn’t feeling anything because I was feeling stuck. I was gearing up for emotional abandonment.
Brains are what make people crazy. And we all are.
We all have split personalities. We have one part of us telling us one thing. And another telling us something else. Just have to KNOW when your being crazy, and when you are actually feeling something.
But talking is key.
Talking is hard. But also so easy – because the outcome is usually quite better than your brain expects it to be.
I wish I remembered my entire epiphany on that drive. It was good. And was like – I need to share this. But I don’t remember. Maybe some of it’s here.
Back to why you can’t trust brains – they forget.