I keep finding myself in situations where I’m not sure I belong. Am I still a runner? Can I even call myself an ultra runner? Is it like “once an ultra runner – always an ultra runner?”
I’ve got CUT112 coming up in just a few weeks. And I can’t remember the last time running felt “easy”.
My knees and feet are craving a break. I’m not running a ton – but they just aren’t recovering. I could probably try harder to help them.
Anyway. I used to love racing.
I found myself at Breakneck Point Trail Marathon almost a month ago. I was hoping once I got going I would get into it. And I did – I had fun. But I didn’t feel like being out there with the pressure of a “finish time.” I wanted to be out there on my own. I didn’t want this to end. But race pressure is for it to end fast.
I started with the marathoners. Hoping I’d suck it up and be one too. But shortly after – the half marathoners were already passing by. It could of been demoralizing. but all I thought about was why I was there.
Why was I there?
I didn’t belong as a racer. But I belonged as someone who took seconds to look around. I was someone who just wanted to be outside, and take in the long lost heat of a 75 degree day. I was craving the sweat drenched clothing, and technical downhill bombs. And as always the 955 foot crawl up the infamous Breakneck Point.
I got what I came for in the Half Marathon. Came into the finish after a solid 2 mile push at the end. I was content. I didn’t need excuses for not going back out for the full. I just didn’t want to.
I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m doing something.
But maybe I’ve moved on to adventuring. Ultra adventuring.
More miles come when your not thinking about miles. Miles add up when you spend more time outside. The quickest way to get back to where you want to be – is making more time for it.